She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
