he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
