so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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