he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
