Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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