get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
