So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
