NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Edward fifth and chaser hands
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
