the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
