Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
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