my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
