it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
