Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
