I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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