All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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