Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
