No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
