how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
