It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
