hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
