Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
