We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
