My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
