It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
