Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you win again, gameday.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
