Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
