I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
