I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
