Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
