im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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