I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
