threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
