You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
