I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
