i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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