I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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