Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
