When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize