Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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