I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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