So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
