You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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