I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
