You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
