if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My balls are so social today.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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