if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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