I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
