Tell her she can't have a vagina
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
