Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize