I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
