You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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