Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
fuck your aforementioned shoe
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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