he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
