just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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