so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
