so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
