My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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