Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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