I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
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