Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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