I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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