if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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