He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
